In a relationship quarreling is normal. It can never be avoided.（如何正确吵架）书评

In a relationship, quarreling is normal. It can never be avoided. Why is that so? Well, we all have different opinions towards things. We can’t always agree with each other—not even with the person we most love—and sometimes it leads us to quarrel or argue.

Some people think that relationships that have a lot of fights or quarreling mean that their relationship is unhealthy. I think that’s a wrong way of looking at it.

When you fight or argue, you get to release what you really feel. You get to tell the person why you’ve been acting strangely all of a sudden. You get to know why that person’s been avoiding you. You get to know his/her side of story…etc.

I’m not saying that fighting is always good. Fighting is good when you know how to deal with it properly. Fighting is a temporary thing. It shouldn’t be an everyday thing, otherwise, what’s the point of being together? Isn’t the reason why you’re with someone is because you want to be happy together?

If fighting is only good when dealt with properly, how do you deal with it?

I only found this out after my boyfriend and I reached that point when we’ve been having so many fights in one month. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it anyway.

Be straightforward. Tell him what your problem is. Don’t let him guess, he’s not a mind-reader. Don’t beat around the bush. Tell him exactly what your problem is and what you want to happen. Nothing will happen if you keep beating around the bush. It’s a waste of time and your fight will only go nowhere.

Don’t let anger take over you. You know how people say that you say things that you don’t mean when you’re mad? Well, that’s true. When you’re angry, you tend to say things that don’t actually mean anything; you say only the first thing that pops in your mind. Letting anger take over you will only lead to a bigger problem.

Be open-minded, listen to his side of the story. What’s the point of fighting if you’re only going to listen to yourself? How can you solve the problem of two people if you don’t even listen to the other half of the problem? Stop disagreeing for a while and just listen.

Quit pointing fingers. In a fight, both of you are wrong because you both offended or hurt each other. So stop giving reasons, making excuses and pointing out fingers. Accept your mistake and accept his mistake as well. Accept the fact that people make mistakes. What’s important is you accept that and do something to make it right.

Silent treatment is not the answer. It’s the worst way of showing your love one that you have a problem with him. He knows you have a problem with him, but he doesn’t what it is, and he doesn’t know what to do to make it right. It will leave him clueless. If you continue this he mind end up just leaving you since he doesn’t have an idea of what your problem is.

Keep calm. Raising your voice or being violent will only make things worse. Control your temper. You’re goal is to resolve the problem, not make it worse.

Try to understand each other. Stop being so stubborn. Think about the reasons he says, and try to realize if you were being reasonable, and vice versa. Once you understand each other’s side of the story, you will come to know if you’re ready to forgive.

Forgive, understand, and learn. Forgive each other’s mistake; understand each other’s point; and learn from your mistakes. It is true that experience is the best teacher. After a fight, the two of you will realize that you’ve just known each other a little bit better—making your relationship stronger and better.

After a fight, kiss and make up. It’s good to know that after a fight, you still love each other because you know that your relationship has just gotten stronger. Go out on a date, or have quality time together. Celebrate that the two of you just survived one of life’s challenges.

Every time my boyfriend and I fight, we’d always set a date to make up for it. Usually we’d go eat out because food never fails to make us happy, and it never did.

Never think that if you fight it means that you’re in a bad relationship. Consider it as a challenge for the two of you.

Think of it as a game. Every time you complete a challenge, you level-up to the next level. Like in a relationship, once you pass through a challenge, your relationship gets better and stronger.

If you really love someone, not even the worst fights will push you away from him/her.